Editor’s Note: Rick Thompson is the author of this year’s (2023–24) Word of Life Fifty1 curriculum module called, “Relationship Goals: Navigating with Wisdom.” This article is based on the content of that module. For more information on the module or to download it, visit www.teachersource.life.
One of the many beautiful things about the Bible is that it doesn’t only offer ethereal ideas and intangible theology. Rather, it gives us real-world, practical help with heartfelt issues. And what can be more heartfelt than the relationships students experience?
Relationship advice seems to be as popular and available as ever. Sadly, much of that advice is foolishness. Whether from their friends or one of countless online sources, this bad advice will reach the ears of our students. Knowing that young people hunger for the wisdom of good advice, here are a few bad apples to avoid as well as tips to steer the conversation in a better direction.
1. Bad Advice: “Don’t date until you’re married!”
Said by over-protective dads and sarcastic youth pastors (I’m guilty on both counts – oof), this is typically meant as a joke to delay students from pursuing dating relationships. But in our harmless attempt at humor, we may miss the chance to give the student a better target than the next boyfriend or girlfriend.
In the most recent Fifty1 module on relationships, aptly titled, “Relationship Goals: Navigating with Wisdom,” the first lesson establishes a goal that is higher than romantic relationships. As a basis for the entire series, the first lesson drives the point home that students’ primary pursuit in life should be purity. While sexual purity plays a part in the lesson, the Bible calls believers to purity in all areas of their lives.
God wants His people to be pure in their thoughts, words, actions, motives, and attitudes. If our students are chasing after a Christ-like character, much of the heartache and regret of youthful relationships can be avoided.
Instead of leaving students rolling their eyes with a one-off punchline, leave them with a sense of purpose in all their relationships – the pursuit of purity.
2. Bad Advice: “There are plenty of fish in the sea!”
While there are millions of people who are currently single in the world, it’s not wise to insinuate that our students should concern themselves with the dating potential of countless different people. Instead, let’s encourage them to consider their friendships as a safe place to build trust and find encouragement.
The second lesson in the “Relationship Goals” series covers the truths of building godly friendships and avoiding toxic “friends.” Dan Peña once said, “Show me your friends, and I will show you your future.” The apostle Paul warned, “bad company ruins good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33). God wants us to know that our closest friends really do build our lives up or tear them down.
Substituting the advice to constantly consider “other fish in the sea,” we can challenge students to choose their friend group wisely. After they surround themselves with Christ-honoring believers, by God’s grace, we can trust that they will at least be fishing from the right pond when the time is right for dating relationships.
3. Bad Advice: “Follow your heart!”
If our students seek dating relationships based only on feelings and social pressure, they will face much heartache and regret. However, if our students choose to take the time to pray and consider crucial biblical principles, they can make much wiser choices.
In the third lesson of the “Relationship Goals” series, titled “What’s the Rush?”, students are challenged to bear in mind crucial principles of the Bible when considering dating relationships. These principles include honoring God above all else, honoring parents in the Lord, considering maturity and timing, and considering the type of people they want to date.
Fun fact: All dating relationships end in breaking up or in marriage. Instead of giving allowance to feelings and intuitions, let’s challenge students to surrender their feelings to God and allow Him to direct their dating paths.
4. Bad Advice: “Your perfect match is out there!”
This subtle advice implies two things that may be untrue of your students. First, it implies that there is someone (and only one someone) who is so perfect that they must be a soulmate. Second, it implies that God’s will for that student is marriage in the first place!
While it is critically clear that God has designed marriage between one man and one woman to last a lifetime, it is also clear that marriage is not God’s plan for everyone. Singleness does not invalidate the individual, nor is singleness a second-class Christian experience.
For those who are led by God into marriage, we need to educate them on the work and self-denial required to have a God-honoring marriage. The final lesson in the “Relationship Goals” series deals with these and other commonly misunderstood matters on marriage.
Some final thoughts: While there is a ton of bad dating advice out there, there is plenty of wisdom on the subject as well. That’s why it’s crucial to take every thought subject to Christ. Throughout my article, I have referenced a Word of Life Fifty1 curriculum series titled, “Relationship Goals: Navigating with Wisdom.” This, and other Christ-honoring, culturally relevant lessons for teens as well as children can be found at www.teachersource.life.
You and I are called to equip our students to honor God in how they handle their relationships. This topic is something our students face every day. Take heart, and take charge of the conversation.
Rick Thompson is a youth pastor in northeast Ohio and is one of the writers for Word of Life Youth Ministries’ Fifty1 curriculum. He enjoys watching a good movie, playing disc golf, spending time with his wife and three children, teaching his students, and amassing a growing pile of books which he promises he will eventually read.